TRUTHS
The truth shall set you free: another powerful statement Jesus made. This is, of course, THE absolute truth. But how can it be absolute when the truth I am facing right now grips my heart the way Popeye crushes an empty can of spinach?
Last year, my mom was diagnosed sick with something she would not tell me. I thought I was over that and I thought that God being the God of healing would took pity on me and cure her. I was right about God being the God who heals, but not about Him curing my mother. When I went home last December, I was struck with the absolutely awful truth: she still has something inside her breast that makes her cry in pain. Believe me, I tried a number of times asking her about the real score, but she plainly would not tell me. She would just shrug it off and say "don't worry".
My mom, when they separated, supported me all by herself. She has experienced selling palamig while waiting for the result of her application at Wica International. She has endured the pains my dad's family has caused her when they got back together, she suffered along with my dad for the whole year he was in and out of the hospital, she remained strong when he passed away...My mom, my beautiful, generous, loving, faithful mom.... It was painful losing my dad, but it is a lot more painful knowing that my mom is sick and is trying not to appear sick for my sake.
This is the truth: A friend told me that her doctor said that when a woman, above 30 years old, is experiencing stabs of pain in her breast, there is a 99-100% probability that she has breast cancer.
As I am writing this, my tears couldn't help but flow. I haven't been honest about what I'm really feeling to my friends, I have always appeared okay and in-control when in fact I am breaking inside. Truths are really difficult to face especially when it affects you personally, especially when it could mean losing the person that means so much to you.
Mama, I love you so much. For all the times I failed you, I'm really sorry. How could I tell you that I'm so afraid of the things to come? I am terribly ashamed of myself...I am so sorry for the false hopes I've given you, for lying to you about my grades to save face. How could you ever love me? Mama, I have caused you so much pain for such a long time. How could I ever show you that I'm also in pain for it? When can I show you that my love for you knows no measure? Would I be too late like the way I was too late with dad?
Take me in your arms, Lord, and do not let me stray away from you. Help me heave myself out of this horrible pit of depression. You are the God who heals, I still cling on to you, in faith, that you would heal my mom. Grant me a heart that accepts and forgives. Lord, all these are but small requests to you. I beg you to take hold of this heavy burden that is threatening to drag me down. I pray, Lord, that in this time of trial, you would grant me peace - perfect peace that comes only from you. I submit to you all these knowing that you alone are God and you alone knows why these should all take place. I am totally down-trodden, I can't take it anymore. I need your help for you alone are the mighty One. With your strong and loving hand, I know you will uphold me and look at me with favor. Forgive me when I blinded myself too much with rebellion. Forgive me for even questioning your goodness. Let your will be done, not mine, but yours.
The words of Jeremiah rang true once more: For I know the plans I have for you, say the Lord. Plans to prosper you not to harm you; plans to give you hope and a future.
Last year, my mom was diagnosed sick with something she would not tell me. I thought I was over that and I thought that God being the God of healing would took pity on me and cure her. I was right about God being the God who heals, but not about Him curing my mother. When I went home last December, I was struck with the absolutely awful truth: she still has something inside her breast that makes her cry in pain. Believe me, I tried a number of times asking her about the real score, but she plainly would not tell me. She would just shrug it off and say "don't worry".
My mom, when they separated, supported me all by herself. She has experienced selling palamig while waiting for the result of her application at Wica International. She has endured the pains my dad's family has caused her when they got back together, she suffered along with my dad for the whole year he was in and out of the hospital, she remained strong when he passed away...My mom, my beautiful, generous, loving, faithful mom.... It was painful losing my dad, but it is a lot more painful knowing that my mom is sick and is trying not to appear sick for my sake.
This is the truth: A friend told me that her doctor said that when a woman, above 30 years old, is experiencing stabs of pain in her breast, there is a 99-100% probability that she has breast cancer.
As I am writing this, my tears couldn't help but flow. I haven't been honest about what I'm really feeling to my friends, I have always appeared okay and in-control when in fact I am breaking inside. Truths are really difficult to face especially when it affects you personally, especially when it could mean losing the person that means so much to you.
Mama, I love you so much. For all the times I failed you, I'm really sorry. How could I tell you that I'm so afraid of the things to come? I am terribly ashamed of myself...I am so sorry for the false hopes I've given you, for lying to you about my grades to save face. How could you ever love me? Mama, I have caused you so much pain for such a long time. How could I ever show you that I'm also in pain for it? When can I show you that my love for you knows no measure? Would I be too late like the way I was too late with dad?
Take me in your arms, Lord, and do not let me stray away from you. Help me heave myself out of this horrible pit of depression. You are the God who heals, I still cling on to you, in faith, that you would heal my mom. Grant me a heart that accepts and forgives. Lord, all these are but small requests to you. I beg you to take hold of this heavy burden that is threatening to drag me down. I pray, Lord, that in this time of trial, you would grant me peace - perfect peace that comes only from you. I submit to you all these knowing that you alone are God and you alone knows why these should all take place. I am totally down-trodden, I can't take it anymore. I need your help for you alone are the mighty One. With your strong and loving hand, I know you will uphold me and look at me with favor. Forgive me when I blinded myself too much with rebellion. Forgive me for even questioning your goodness. Let your will be done, not mine, but yours.
The words of Jeremiah rang true once more: For I know the plans I have for you, say the Lord. Plans to prosper you not to harm you; plans to give you hope and a future.
I now claim this truth: He will never leave me nor forsake me. He will uphold me with His righteous right hand as I learn to submit wholly to Him.
posted by 
Chocolate Lover at 1:30 PM
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