Edna Mode

The little woman with so much to boast confidently exclaimed: fight! win!

I just came from CRL and I could feel tiredness seeping in my already-disgruntled nerves. I would not dare tell you about my harrowing day because it is something I don't want to talk about right now. But I would very much like to tell you something very amazing.

Yesterday, after pouring my pent-up emotions on my friends, I discovered that I was letting myself drift away from everything else that is good except from my ego. You see, thoughts of going back to the dark side of everything crossed my mind. Thoughts on wicked people getting all the blessings while I am slaving and ending up with nothing weighed heavily on my twisted, dark mind. Thoughts on things not making any sense, not having any worth blinded me. Yes, you could say that I hated the world and all that is in it. You could also say that I savored rebellion against my Maker. You could also say that my disposition, my mental state, my all was bordering on unbelief. I reasoned: it won't make any difference at all whether I live as a Christian being a Christian or living like a Christian being not a Christian. Everything is the same. Everybody goes through the same senseless matters. Everybody is actually really lost.

Then came this: CHOICE. An author said that the ultimate submission is really the surrender of your free will. It is a choice to use it for your benefit without the thought of God or use it for your benefit but giving God the driver's seat. When I went through this extreme emotional let down, I realized that in doing so I actually made a choice to rebel against God, to be negative, to look at a lot of people with intense dislike. It was a choice on my part to switch off the positive mind disposition and exchange it to the negative. Sad to say, but it was my choice to have the devil gain a foot hold of me. It was also my choice to let my emotions run. It was also my choice to let my will be driven by my unstable emotions.

A pang of pity hit me when I realized all these, but, believe it or not, it felt good to be slapped and kicked by the reality of my horrific mindset. I heard Edna Mode scream: fight! win! Then I asked:how could I be so sure that this is God convicting me? What if it was just me trying desperately to change, thus enabling me to create all sorts of uplifting reasons? How could I be so sure, after all He didn't even bother to answer all my questions? I let my thoughts wander and concentrated on Him for a while. Then it hit me: I do not know His answer because I did not bother to look for it.

The Bible, for Christians, is where THE ultimate answers are. I asked Him, then, what He wanted me to read knowing that there is a danger in merely opening your Bible by chance and interpreting it as something that is from God directed to you. Then He gave me John. I asked, where in John? Number 15 appeared. Which specifically in chapter 15? I asked again. Numbers 14 then 12 appeared. Time was ticking and I still could not get up and open my Bible. Then, after a long while, I got up and checked it out. I told myself that if it is from God then it would make sense and would somehow be related to what I was feeling. Lo and behold: John 15: 14 and 12 says "you are my friend if you do what I command; my command is this: that you love one another as I have loved you."

Creepy, huh?

Fight! Win! I would have to say that I definitely chose to let my will control my emotions. I chose to stop letting anger get me and decided to excahnge it with love. I chose to fight and win. After all, if God made all the amazing things in this universe, then, I would certainly win this batttle.

Join me, then, in this journey that is worth losing everything, even yourself. BUT gaining it all in Him. How to start? Ha!ha! by simply ASKING Him to give you the perfect faith. He will certainly give it. *wink*