A bit of me
I say hell. It was hell and hell and hell. BUT I’m back again.
I say that I am okay relative to the last weeks of October, but not that okay. I planned to make my blog a sort of something where I write meditations and stuff. I want to, really. It’s just that I’m not ready yet. I can say a lot of things but it would be plain hypocrisy. I believe I have to muster all the courage to come face to face with Him. I am tormented by so much grief and my heart, honestly, is not right with Him. He is teaching me something – a something I couldn’t fully give Him.
In my days of sadness, I found out one thing: the more I resisted Him, the stronger I felt His presence in me and around me. I believe it was hope or that faith I have or just the positive-thinker me. Hopefully, it was both hope and faith. God carried me through. I am in the process of dealing with it and nursing peace in my heart, and so forgive me if I would seem aloof, distant and kinda cold.
I am truly hoping to recover, to get up and fight, to trust Him enough to give my all. Right now, I am praying for that. As the plans I built melted before my very eyes, I know deep down that God would build it up with His faithful hand. As the gigantic fear looms, I know He would protect me.
I am in so much pain and all I want right now is to embrace it, to taste all of it and swallow it whole. I have shared the gift of pain to my friends, and all of it are coming back to me – hammering me with its truth. I could only stare and ask God: how much more could I bear? God has good plans for me, this I know. I pray that, in time, I would get to see it. This very moment all I see is a blank piece of paper. May God write His plans for me on it and let me have the full view.
I say that I am okay relative to the last weeks of October, but not that okay. I planned to make my blog a sort of something where I write meditations and stuff. I want to, really. It’s just that I’m not ready yet. I can say a lot of things but it would be plain hypocrisy. I believe I have to muster all the courage to come face to face with Him. I am tormented by so much grief and my heart, honestly, is not right with Him. He is teaching me something – a something I couldn’t fully give Him.
In my days of sadness, I found out one thing: the more I resisted Him, the stronger I felt His presence in me and around me. I believe it was hope or that faith I have or just the positive-thinker me. Hopefully, it was both hope and faith. God carried me through. I am in the process of dealing with it and nursing peace in my heart, and so forgive me if I would seem aloof, distant and kinda cold.
I am truly hoping to recover, to get up and fight, to trust Him enough to give my all. Right now, I am praying for that. As the plans I built melted before my very eyes, I know deep down that God would build it up with His faithful hand. As the gigantic fear looms, I know He would protect me.
I am in so much pain and all I want right now is to embrace it, to taste all of it and swallow it whole. I have shared the gift of pain to my friends, and all of it are coming back to me – hammering me with its truth. I could only stare and ask God: how much more could I bear? God has good plans for me, this I know. I pray that, in time, I would get to see it. This very moment all I see is a blank piece of paper. May God write His plans for me on it and let me have the full view.
posted by 
Chocolate Lover at 3:16 PM
2 Comments:
oi, anders hir. sabi nga sa SANCTUARY today, November 14: Psalm 37:7 Rest in the Lord and wait patiently for him.
I have struggled, too, wresting (tama ba?) of answering prayers from him. i am humbled now, dahil he brought me people like you and josh...
niwei, cheer up, kid. your not dead yet. hehe. connect.
oi, ketchup to. suggest ko lang for ur blog to be more readable. put one space between paragraphs.
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